Suggested Lesson Material
Dr Brian Willoughby (BYU Professor) - Why is dating harder? (first 3:32 of intro)
Science of Dating first reading/listening for next week click here.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World (1995)
Key Doctrine, Principles and Concepts
In a culture that is delaying rejecting, and redefining marriage. The current generation of Young Adults have never had it any harder than it is today to date and choose a mate. It is important to validate and help YSA understand it is hard and help them to act in Faith.
Introduce the Dating Pyramid (without providing detail - but as ongoing reference for this course)
Practice inviting: start with inviting friends and acquaintances to attend the class (opposite gender invitations is a good start).
Not necessarily teaching 'how' to date, just the why and what about dating.
Communication is a key learning from the course.
Pitfalls of Dating - are the key takeaways from the podcast.
Reading and ELE can be done to get more out of the class even though there is no credit, it is for personal growth and hopefully success in going on more dates.
Changing our mindset when it comes to dating.
Family Proclamation (30 year anniversary in 2025) - Trend on Marriage rates are declining and we will address in next lesson.
Scriptures teach about importance of Marriage.
Focus on Jesus Christ and talk about why we need to exercise faith in Him to help us through this time.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ is all about relationships
Do we set up a messenger group for this class?
Suggested Lesson Material
2023 HILDA Survey Data - about Aussie perspective on friendship and number of desired children (decline in many fronts - The Guardian review).
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman Ph.D & Nan Silver. Quote about happiness in marriage.
BYU Hawaii (Instagram: One Brave Step Can Change Everything-media)
Missionary Preparation Teacher Manual: Skill Practice 6: Talk with Everyone
Key Doctrine, Principles and Concepts
How does friendship begin? How can we develop friendships with others? Where can we go with friends? What is the right size group? How do we make it meaningful and fun?
Use the Gottman Institute Quote in the suggested materials.
How is Jesus Christ an example of friendship? explore this truth to make connection to acting like Christ when making friends.
Suggested Lesson Materials.
Eternal Families Course - Lesson 11: Choosing and Eternal Companion.
President & Sister Oaks 2023 WWD For Young Adults "Stand for Truth"
Key Doctrine, Principles, and Concepts.
President Dallin H. Oaks (2007), I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behaviour in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection. (“Divorce”, 2007 April General Conference).
President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.” (Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, 2006, p194)
Introduce 'Deal Breakers' as a concept.
Are we a match in the absence of 'deal breakers'.
Do not pretend to be married.
BYU Hawaii Speeches May 6, 2025.
Suggested Lesson Material
President John S.K. Kauwe III and Sister Monica S. Kauwe (BYU Devotional May 6, 2025 (21 minutes - link above).
Scripture Options: D&C 101: 2-5; D&C 121-122; John 16:17-20; John 20:4; Mosiah 3:19; Mathew 12:34-35; James 3:5-6
“The Challenge to Become,” Liahona, Jan. 2001, 40; Ensign, Nov. 2000, 32). – President Dallin H. Oaks
John Lund – Relationship therapist, Content communicator “Say what you think, think what you say".
Preparing for an Eternal Marriage, Lesson 11: Effective Communication.
Key Doctrine, Principles, and Concepts
“The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become” (“The Challenge to Become,” Liahona, Jan. 2001, 40; Ensign, Nov. 2000, 32). – President Oaks
“Family Communications” By Elder Marvin J. Ashton April 1976 General Conference. “If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realise that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally.”
President Nelson: “My dear brothers and sisters, how we treat each other really matters! How we speak to and about others at home, at church, at work, and online really matters. Today, I am asking us to interact with others in a higher, holier way.” Russell M. Nelson, June 2024.
“If you listen with the Spirit, you will find your heart softened, your faith strengthened, and your capacity to love the Lord increased.” —President Henry B. Eyring, 2016 “Where Two or Three Are Gathered”.
Science of Dating 03: Pitfall #3: Letting Your Heart Jump to 6.
Suggested Lesson Material
Pyramid of Relationships
D&C 8:2-3 – Measured approach to following spiritual promptings.
Alma 33:16 D&C 98:1–3; D&C 90:24, 100:15
Key Doctrines, Principles and Concepts
Problem: The only people who date are in a relationship.
What keeps couples together longer, is "Friendship". Dating for friendship is getting to know the person to start with (not all about us yet), if you get good at that, you get good at marriage. To keep friendship in mind through the dating process you are more likely to be successful. How many people jump into a marriage and they are not even ‘friends’? It will likely not last.
Start with friendship dating. Come back to this basic level. People are of worth. Pitfall #2 not understanding relationship dating – pretend to do married things is not the purpose of relationship dating.
Deal Breakers: What are the deal breakers: truly consider this now, not after you are married.
Relationships with children is important. Plan dates that help to reveal how the persons relationships with others.
Preferences: are when it is not a deal breaker, but it is a preference that is something you don’t like, but it isn’t a deal breaker. Money, health issues, how you handle stress,
Breakdown of stage 4: when people get into a relationship they let their heart jump to level 6. I have expectations, I fall in love and I jump to level 6. Then I find out that there are deal breakers before I give the relationship a chance to identify deal breakers.
You can love someone with whom there are deal breakers. If you let your heart jump to level 6 and considering marriage. You are setting your heart for a heart break. Not everyone you are attracted to or fall madly in love with is a match.
The Family: Proclamation to the World has been relevant for over 30 years. What are the key takeaways that make this statement so enduring and endearing?
Movie: Frozen – Love is an Open Door (share as an example of rushing in to Level 6).
Suggested Lesson Material
Luke 10:42 “one thing is needful”
For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices. Love God, love your neighbour
Make Dating Smooth Sailing, Liahona October 2004
Dating with a plan, Liahona, April 2024
Key Doctrine, Principle, and Concepts
Use the Dating Pyramid and point out the following:
Dating with purpose.
Marriage: Luke 10:42, date because of the needful things in a marriage. Matthew 6:33, Seek the Lord in the dating process. Ether 12:27, I can turn to the Lord and learn from Him.
Engagement: What will be involved in the marriage – practical aspects of finance, phone plans, living location, cleanliness, who will do what jobs, expectations, spending more time with family (each others), how to discipline children, etc.
Romantic / relationship: looking for ‘deal breakers’. Experience different relationship factors – how they treat others (especially family members and children), spend money and save money attitudes, priorities,
Friendship: Date to increase this list. If this list is small and you can’t find someone to move to the next level, you need to increase your places of looking and meeting new people. What are some ways to find a friend? What are some friendship dates? How can we make this the most important and focused area to start the process?
Suggested Lesson Material
Being in Love Vs Love, C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity, Book III, Ch. 6, Para. 9-12. https://instantinstitute.org/pdf/csl_beinginlove.pdf
Will You Engage in the Wrestle? - Sheri Dew BYU Devotional 17 May, 2016.
Key Doctrine, Principles, and Concepts
[God] has promised to reveal truth to our minds and hearts through the Holy Ghost if we will diligently seek Him (D&C 8:2-3; D&C 88: 40; 118)
‘If we want to grow spiritually, the Lord expects us to ask questions and seek answers.’ - Will You Engage in the Wrestle? - Sheri Dew BYU Devotional.
"[A]fter all we can publish, our members are sometimes left with basic questions that cannot be resolved by study...Some things can be learned only by faith. Our ultimate reliance must be on faith in the witness we have received from the Holy Ghost." (Opposition in All Things - By Elder Dallin H. Oaks – April 2016)
Suggested Lesson Material
Romans 12:2, John 8:1-11
Key Doctrine, Principle and Concept
When Bryce Dunford talks about "not jumping in and not jumping out when you should," especially in dating, he means: failing to act decisively at the right time, either committing too soon (jumping in too fast without clarity) or holding back (jumping out/hesitating) when a connection is strong, leading to missed opportunities or prolonged uncertainty, often by confusing strong preferences with hard deal-breakers. It's about poor timing in relationships, like rushing into commitment or, conversely, letting a great potential partner go because you're too cautious or focused on minor flaws.
Key aspects of this concept:
Not Jumping In: Rushing into a relationship or commitment before truly knowing someone, often based on initial attraction or loneliness, rather than genuine compatibility.
Not Jumping Out (When You Should Have): Staying in a relationship that isn't right, or delaying an inevitable breakup, because you're afraid of being alone, invested too much time, or don't want to hurt the other person.
Confusing Preferences with Deal-Breakers: A major pitfall is overemphasizing minor preferences (like height or hobbies) as rigid deal-breakers, causing you to prematurely "jump out" and miss someone great, while ignoring real incompatibilities (like core values) and "jumping in" too deep.
Timing is Key: The principle emphasizes the need for balance – being decisive and aligned with your true needs at the right moments, rather than letting fear or indecision dictate your actions
Suggested Lesson Material
Topics & Questions and Bible Dictionary (Repentance)
Read Scriptures and words of prophets and apostles on Repentance.
President Russell M. Nelson, ‘We Can Do Better and Be Better’ Liahona, May 2019.
Key Doctrine, Principle and Concepts
The veil allows us to develop Christlike skills/attributes without compulsion
Repentance is about relationships. Specifically a relationship with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. What are we doing to keep that relationship real and connected?
When Bryce Dunford refers to "Not allowing repentance or change," he is discussing a pitfall in dating/relationships where an individual fails to acknowledge or accept that a partner has genuinely changed for the better after making a mistake.
In the context of his "Science of Dating" podcast, this phrase appears in a discussion about balancing two extremes (which I will only address the first and the following week we will discuss the second):
Not allowing repentance or change: This means holding past mistakes against a person even after they have made a sincere effort to repent (which biblical repentance means a fundamental change of heart, mind, and behaviour) and demonstrate a new direction in life. The pitfall is being unforgiving and not recognizing genuine personal growth.
Not recognizing when change is not occurring: This is the opposite pitfall, where someone repeatedly makes excuses for a partner's problematic behaviour without seeing real, lasting change, potentially leading them to ignore serious deal-breakers.
Students are encouraged to find a balance, allowing for the possibility of genuine change and repentance in others while also being discerning enough to recognize when a change is not truly happening and a situation remains unhealthy.
Suggested Lesson Material
D&C 132:19, Moses 2:27-28; 3:21 (Rib – Commentary of the Covenant)
Jeffrey R. Holland, (2000) How Do I Love Thee? (BYU Speeches Feb 15, 2000)
Key Doctrine, Principle, and Concept
“Love is a fragile thing, and some elements in life can try to break it. Much damage can be done if we are not in tender hands, caring hands. To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith—faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything—all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys—with another person.” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. How Do I Love Thee? Feb 15 2000, BYU Devotional Speeches).
Doctrine and Covenants 93 - Christ had to go through a process called Grace for Grace. He needed to grow from grace to grace until he reached the fulness. We will all have to go through the same process.
2 Nephi 31:20 – Life is about progressing. A little change at a time, can make the difference. Be patient with yourself. Recognise change recognise growth.
“Grant them a chance to repent because their moving forward. But recognise when you don't see that growth. Recognise it in yourself and recognise it in them. At some point you will need to say this is a dealbreaker relationship and I need to get out before it breaks in a more painful way.” (Bryce Dunford, The Science of Dating)
Suggested Lesson Material
D&C 58:26-28, Helaman 11:1, Alma 32:21, , 2 Nephi 31:20, 1 Nephi 4:6-7.
Lectures on Faith (1985), 71.
Key Doctrine, Principles, and Concept
Acting with faith in Jesus Christ is paramount to all decisions and directions. Overcoming fear.
“The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue—it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know.” ( Elder Jeffrey R. Holland - “Lord, I Believe” April 2013 GC)
Elder Dale G. Renlund, (Doubt Not, but Be Believing, 2019 Devotional) “For faith to grow, one must choose to have faith and then act on it…Doubt is not and will never be the precursor of faith any more than light depends on darkness for its creation.”
In the Lectures on Faith, the differences between faith and doubt are explained: “Where doubt and uncertainty are … faith is not, nor can it be. For doubt and faith do not exist in the same person at the same time; … persons whose minds are under doubts and fears cannot have unshaken confidence; and where unshaken confidence is not, there faith is weak; and where faith is weak the persons will not be able to contend against all the opposition, tribulations, and afflictions which they will have to encounter in order to be heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ Jesus; and they will grow weary in their minds, and the adversary will have power over them and destroy them.”https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/broadcasts/worldwide-devotional-for-young-adults/2019/01/11renlund?lang=eng (Lectures on Faith [1985], 71)
These teachings (Hebrews 11:1, Alma 32:21 & Lecture on Faith 1) highlight three basic elements of faith: (1) faith as the assurance of things hoped for that are true, (2) faith as the evidence of things not seen, and (3) faith as the principle of action in all intelligent beings. I describe these three components of faith in the Savior as simultaneously facing the future, looking to the past, and initiating action in the present. (Elder David A. Bednar, Seek Learning by Faith).
President Julie B. Beck observed that many young people are placing “less and less importance on forming an eternal family. Many don’t see the forming families as a faith-based work.” (Teaching the Doctrine of the Family, Ensign Mar 2011).
Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness. (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “How Do I Love Thee?,” New Era, Oct. 2003, 8)
President Nelson taught: "The Lord does not require perfect faith for us to have access to His perfect power. But He does ask us to believe.
"...my call to you this Easter morning is to start today to increase your faith. Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to move the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest.
"Your mountains may be loneliness, doubt, illness, or other personal problems. Your mountains will vary, and yet the answer to each of your challenges is to increase your faith. That takes work. Lazy learners and lax disciples will always struggle to muster even a particle of faith.
"To do anything well requires effort. Becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ is no exception. Increasing your faith and trust in Him takes effort. May I offer five suggestions to help you develop that faith and trust.
Study
Choose to Believe in Jesus Christ
Act in Faith
Partake of Sacred Ordinances Worthily
Ask your Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, for help.
"The mountains in our lives do not always move how or when we would like. But our faith will always propel us forward. Faith always increases our access to godly power." (President Russell M. Nelson, Christ Is Risen; Faith In Him Will Move Mountains, April 2021 General Conference)
Suggested Lesson Material
President John S.K. Kauwe III and Sister Monica S. Kauwe (BYU Hawaii Speeches/Devotionals) May 7 2024. (34 minutes)
President & Sister Oaks, WWD for Young Adults "Stand for Truth" May 2023.
Love Is a Choice: Making Your Marriage and Family Stronger, by Lynn G Robbins (book, not talk or article)
Key Doctrine, Principles, and Concepts
“If you find yourself marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting and start preparing. Prepare yourself for life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek out opportunities for service and learning. And most important, trust in the Lord, ‘calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come.’ And I promise as you do, happiness will come to you.” Sister Kristen M. Oaks.
If we will daily strive to follow the Savior, Elder Uchtdorf promised we will one day look back to “see that the dots really did connect into a beautiful pattern, more sublime than you ever could have imagined. With unspeakable gratitude, you will see that God Himself, in His abounding love, grace, and compassion, was always there watching over you, blessing you, and guiding your steps as you walked toward Him.”
Perhaps this is a good lesson for holding and Q&A, or using an anonymous question box (or text site) that can provide some opportunities to "Let's Talk".
Science of Dating 11: Help #1: Expect Heaven's Help
Suggested Lesson Material
Fear Not: Believe Only! — Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2022.
Steady in the Storms — President Henry B. Eyring, April 2022.
The Sealing Power — Elder D. Todd Christofferson, October 2023.
Seeing God’s Family through the Overview Lens — Sister Tamara W. Runia, October 2023 (includes “the God we worship is not bound by time”).
Faithful to the End — Sister Andrea Muñoz Spannaus, April 2024 (speaks of trusting “His timing” as part of faith).
Key Doctrine, Principles or Concepts
Fear vs. Faith — Avoid fear-driven choices
"Fear is the enemy of faith."
"When we're afraid, we need to remember the promises and hold on to those promises and not let fear cause us to make a dumb decision."
Heavenly Father's Chief Priority is Eternal Families
"There is nothing more important to Heavenly Father than creating your eternal family."
"The difference between a good earth and now things being very good was the advent of the family."
God is Beyond Time — Trust His Timing and Promises
"He does not operate in time. He is beyond time."
"No one runs out of time to receive a blessing they sincerely seek."
Science of Dating 13: How to Make Marriage Last for Eternity
Suggested Lesson Material
Keeping covenants matters most”
President Russell M. Nelson — “Overcome the World and Find Rest” (October 2022)
Focus: Power, protection, and rest that come specifically from keeping covenants.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson — “The Covenant Path” (April 2021)
Focus: Our destiny is determined by faithfully living covenants along the covenant path, not merely entering it.
“Eternal marriage requires the right covenant and the Spirit’s sealing”
President Russell M. Nelson —“The Temple and Your Spiritual Foundation” (October 2021)
Focus: Temple ordinances and sealings as the specific, authorised covenants that bind families beyond death.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson —“The Sealing Power” (October 2023)
Focus: Doctrine of priesthood sealing and the Holy Spirit of Promise making relationships valid “in time and in eternity.”
“Spouse as companion/protector — wholehearted, side‑by‑side devotion”
Elder Gerrit W. Gong —“Happy and Forever” (October 2022)
Focus: Covenant marriage, cherishing one another, and building “happy and forever” relationships through Christ and temple covenants.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland —“The Greatest Possession” (October 2021)
Focus: Loving God with all our heart and then loving others in deep, Christlike, self‑sacrificing ways that fit the “rib‑cage” metaphor of protecting a spouse’s heart.
Key Doctrine, Principles or Concepts
Keeping covenants matters most
"Make and keep."
"This keeping is far more important than the making."
"You make it eternal by the way you treat it."
Eternal marriage requires the right covenant and the Spirit’s sealing
"The difference between an earthly relationship that ends at death and one that lasts for eternity boils down to two conditions."
"Make the right covenant... get the Holy Ghost."
"Make the right covenant and then simply keep it."
Spouse as companion/protector — wholehearted, side‑by‑side devotion
"My spouse is like my rib." (“My spouse is like my rib.” “There are only two human beings I am to love with all my heart. Who are they? God and spouse…”)
"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently."
"There are only two human beings I am to love with all my heart. Who are they? God and spouse nearest to my heart."
Science of Dating 14: Principles of Successful Marriages; Part 1.
Suggested Lesson Material
Gerrit W. Gong, “Happy and Forever” - October 2022
(True, enduring joy and eternity with those we love are the very essence of God’s plan of happiness)
Russell M. Nelson, “Overcome the World and Find Rest” – October 2022
(emphasis on the power and rest that come from keeping covenants)
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Daily Restoration” – October 2021
(daily repentance as continually coming back into a living relationship with the Savior)
Dale G. Renlund, “Accessing God’s Power through Covenants” – April 2023
(repentance and covenant living as the way we draw closer to God and access His power in our lives and relationships)
Key Doctrine, Principles or Concepts
Exaltation is a family affair; eternal companionship is God’s highest priority
“Exaltation is a family affair. So searching for an eternal companion is part of exaltation, and I would suggest that makes it Heavenly Father's highest priority.”
“If we don't seal families, then the earth will be wasted at His coming because that's what the earth was, was a waste. So Heavenly Father is going to help you. You need to trust that. You need to count on that.”
The “special sauce” is keeping covenants, not just making them; look for a covenant keeper
“It is not the making of the covenant that is the special sauce. It is the keeping of the covenant.”
“You are not… looking for someone who will make the covenant. You are looking for someone who will keep the covenant.”
“The biggest factor in making it eternal is not the making of the covenant, but the keeping of the covenant.”
“You are looking for a covenant keeper, someone who has, does, and will keep the covenant.”
Repentance is restoring relationships (with Christ and with spouse), not just checking boxes
“Repentance is not an action. Repentance is restoring a relationship.”
“I have damaged a relationship and repentance is about restoring that relationship.”
“Everyone in the Book of Mormon who repents does two things. I need to fix my relationship with the Savior… and then I need to change my behavior… so I don't damage the relationship anymore.”
“Measure the potential to success in a marriage by the abundance of repentance.”
Science of Dating 15: Principles of Successful Marriages; Part 2.
Suggested Lesson Material
Kristin M. Yee – “Beauty for Ashes: The Healing Path of Forgiveness” (Oct 2022)
Strong focus on releasing others to God, healing your own soul through Christ, and the “magic” of forgiving.
Elder F. Burton Howard Eternal Marriage (May 2003)
“If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so.”
Elder Dale G. Renlund Repentance: A Joyful Choice (October 2016)
“Repentance is not only possible but also joyful because of our Savior.”
Stephen W. Owen “Repentance Is Always Positive” (November 2017)
The moment we set foot on the path of repentance, we invite the Savior’s redeeming power into our lives.
Key Doctrine, Principles or Concepts
Forgiveness in marriage and family relationships
“Of all the people on the planet, of all Heavenly Father’s children, which human being should I be the quickest to forgive? My wife.”
“An unforgiving heart doesn't hurt the person who hurt you. It hurts you. And that's dumb.”
“Allow me to testify that your hand is on the dial. You get to decide how much Heavenly Father forgives you. … If you want Heavenly Father [to] forgive the 30 billion, you have to be willing to let go of the 18,000.”
“Loose them. Loose them to God. He is not on my hook, he is on God’s.”
Repentance as restoring relationships (with Christ and with spouse), not just checking boxes
“Repentance makes relationships better because repentance is a sensitivity to a broken relationship.”
“I can't fix my broken relationship with the Savior if I have a broken relationship with my spouse. So I will fix both relationships. They go hand in hand.”
“Repentance is not an action. Repentance is restoring a relationship. … I have damaged a relationship and repentance is about restoring that relationship.”
“Measure the potential to success in a marriage by the abundance of repentance.”
Respect: seeing and treating spouse (and others) as God declares their worth
“What makes this piece of paper worth $2.00? … Someone of a higher power… has to declare what its worth is. And then all of us have to… accept it. May I suggest that is respect. Respect is to accept the declared value that some higher power has made.”
“You are worth the life of His Son. That's how valuable you are.”
“The one thing I would beg you to have for your spouse is respect. Acknowledge how valuable they are. I see your value… and treat you as that valuable thing.”
“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. … It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit.”